Nan Lanier, MFT-Associate & CSW

Welcome to Nan’s Office

Hi, I’m Nan. I’m happy you’re here.

I believe we learn ways of adapting to survive and thrive in our early relationships and social environments. Over time, though, these adaptations can pull us away from who we are and create strain. This can lead to feelings of being stuck, ashamed, depressed, anxious, mistrustful of yourself and the world, or with a desire for something more. My hope is to honor and respect these emotional messages and help individuals, couples, and families find their way back to themselves.

I work with clients to bolster what works, find softness with what is stuck, and grow into the version of themselves they’d like to move forward with. Just as hurt happens in relationship, so does healing. I believe that you know just who you are and that when we get lost, we find ourselves again through healing relationship. In my office, I will laugh, cry and wonder with you as you sift through where you’ve been and where you’re going.

It takes bravery to risk reaching out to a therapist for support. I especially enjoy working with those who have been harmed by systems in the past but still hope therapy might help. This includes people impacted by the foster care and carceral systems; queer couples and individuals and trans/queer youth and their families; and families navigating the legal system through life transitions like divorce and remarriage.

One of my strengths as a therapist is carving out a haven of safety and helping couples and families learn to honor and respect each other, even when everyone seems to be on a different timeline. Sometimes, all this is happening within just one person! In therapy, I aim for you to feel seen, understood, and respected. When our time together ends, I hope you will feel closer to yourself, a restored sense of trust in yourself and the world, and more connected to the people important to you.

Areas of Specialty

Trauma

When we experience too much or too little for too long, and we don’t have the support of others to help us through it, our brains and bodies can get trapped in a survival response. You may have intrusive thoughts, difficulty concentrating, shame that’s difficult to place, a recurring feeling of danger, or mistrust for yourself and others. By slowing down and honoring how you’ve adapted to survive these experiences, and through having a new and safe relational experience, we can begin to understand and ease these symptoms.

My therapy is trauma-informed, anti-racist, and queer-affirming. I especially enjoy working with people who have relational trauma – including family separation, abuse and neglect within their families of origin, and attachment wounds. I also have experience working with folks who have been institutionalized by systems like foster care, jail/prison, and inpatient psychiatric care. Together, we will rebuild a sense of safety with yourself that you can take back out into the world with you.

Queer Community & Parents of Queer Youth

As you take the brave step outside of the dominant expectations and structures, it can feel unmooring to be without a script. I work with queer individuals and couples to build relationships and structures that work for you. This can include honoring and grieving where you’ve come from and finding so much joy in what is now and to come.

I especially enjoy working with queer youth and their families. Loving parents often find themselves on a different timeline than their children. By the time a young person makes the courageous move to share who they are, they have had time to get to know themselves. For parents, it can bring a sense of shock and instability. I work with families in all parts of this journey – from youth first deciding who to trust to families working to catch up. Through therapy, I will help you grieve what feels lost while building excitement for the incredible young person before you. By the end of our time together, families create a new system to honor each member’s uniqueness and move forward as a cohesive whole.

Families & Parents in Life Transitions

Families can find themselves in upheaval as they move through life’s transitions, especially unexpected ones like divorce, death, or remarriage. These changes sometimes pull family members apart from each other as each person processes in their own way and on their own timeline. I work with families to call up enough grace, love, and support to hold these differences while finding a new structure that brings each member what they need.

When children are part of separation, divorce, and remarriage, it can be especially difficult for parents to meet their own needs and their children’s at the same time. I take an emotionally focused yet practical approach to helping families center children in these life cycle changes. In therapy, we will meet as a whole family, just parents, just kiddos, and every combination in between to honor each member’s process and find a new normal.