Anitra Durand-Allen, MAMFT

As African Americans, in addition to life’s typical stresses and challenges, we regularly experience race-based trauma, stress, and discrimination. But the belief that these struggles we face are just part of life and something we need to live with is not valid. We do not have to normalize struggle. That does not need to be our narrative or story, and therapy can help.

Historically, therapy has been something that “we don’t do.” The notion that “what happens at home, stays at home” has kept us from seeking help in many ways. The idea that you have to “keep your business out of the streets” has made many apprehensive to try therapy, but you don’t have to stay there.

As an African American who has been in therapy and is now a therapist myself, I want to help break down the barrier and belief that therapy isn’t for us. It’s something we can all benefit from.

Therapy can play an essential role in giving you the tools and strategies to

• Manage stress and anxiety
• Process and overcome race-based trauma
• Navigate difficult transitions in life
• Cope with grief and loss
• Heal from hurt and trauma

If your faith is important to you, we can incorporate it into your therapy sessions. You may have found that the faith that has carried you in your past isn’t enough to carry you through the difficult place you are in right now. I want you to know that you can have Jesus and a therapist.

We can work together to create a personalized strategy to help you get back to living your best life.

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Conflict will inevitably arise when two people come together in a relationship. Each person has their own foundational beliefs and thoughts about how the world works. When your beliefs don’t align with your partner’s beliefs, it leads to arguments. But it’s not just you and your partner. This is a normal part of relationships that we can learn to improve.

Couples therapy helps you recognize where your conflicts originate while learning strategies to overcome the struggle and build a healthy relationship for the future. Therapy can help you:

• Learn how to identify your needs and how to share them with your partner
• Diffuse arguments by helping shift communication to be about you and your needs and not about your partner and their deficiencies
• Predict and prepare for the struggles that occur throughout the family life cycle
• Challenge the normalization of “struggle love” and the search for a “fairytale romance”
• Learn to manage conflict so the relationship can be successful

Love isn’t always enough. Sometimes we have to put in the work, and therapy can help you and your relationship succeed. 

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Your child has had time to process who they are and how their identity is evolving by the time they share these changes with you. Even as a supportive parent, you may struggle with feeling like you are lost in the process and left trying to catch up.

It’s natural to experience feelings of loss as you process this change. At the same time, we’re talking about the essence of who your child is. Any delay in showing support and creating a safe space can create conflict and hurt between you and your child. 

Identity formation and exploration are 100% developmentally appropriate in adolescence. But when you add the complexity of gender and sexuality in a world that tells us there is only one way to be, it becomes more difficult for them to navigate. It can become challenging for you to process and face your own adjustments while supporting your child. This can feel like a tough and lonely space.

Too often, parents of LGBTQ+ youth aren’t given the grace, space, and time they need to rise to the occasion. Instead, you are left to figure out where to turn, how to respond in a way that is not harmful, and who is safe to talk to since you don’t know who will be supportive. 

In therapy, we create the safe space you need to process the situation from your perspective while learning how to support your child.

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