If you feel that 2021 has been another stressful year, you’re not alone. Research has found that the majority of people are stressed about the uncertainty of the next few months. With the continued stress of the pandemic along with political tension and social unrest, we have a lot constantly on our minds. And now the holiday season is upon us and many of us are struggling to feel that holiday joy we long for.
What are the common holiday stressors?
There are many different things that can add to stress levels during the holiday season. Below are a few that many people struggle with, followed by some practical ways to manage holiday stress.
Tension connected with family
Many of us have difficult family situations that can add stress to the holidays.
It may be that you have unresolved situations from the past or tension with family members over current events in the world. Some people experience anxiety over deciding which family members to spend the holidays with while trying not to upset others. If you live far from family, traveling to see them during the holidays can be another layer of stress you need to deal with.
You may feel tension over all the questions you’re asked when extended family gets together. This can include questions like:
- Don’t you think it’s time to settle down?
- Shouldn’t you have graduated by now?
- Isn’t it time to get a real job?
- When are you going to start having kids?
Family members can tend to think they have full access to all the private and intimate details of your life and some aren’t concerned about stepping over the line to hand out unsolicited advice.
For some, the stress comes from having a lack of family to spend the holidays with. It may be that you don’t have any close family or that relationships have been damaged in the past. It may be that your family isn’t comfortable seeing you or that you’re not comfortable seeing them.
During a time of year when society’s expectation appears to be that everyone has close family they enjoy gathering around the table with, this can cause additional hurt and stress when your family situation doesn’t look like that. You may have anxiety over the common questions everyone asks like, “Are you going to see family for the holidays?” and then have to figure out how to respond in a way they will accept and not ask any follow-up questions.
Unrealistic expectations for the holidays
The holiday season comes with lots of unrealistic expectations. Sometimes we place these expectations on ourselves and sometimes other people place these expectations on us. We want to have the perfect meal, do all the family traditions, and find just the right gift for everyone on your list.
There’s a good chance there is more on your to-do list than you can realistically handle in a healthy way but you don’t want to let anyone down (including yourself).
If you’re not careful, it’s easy to overbook yourself during the holidays. There are extra parties and events along with shopping and baking. If you want the “Hallmark holiday” then you feel you need to accomplish all of these things and more with a smile on your face even if all you really want to do is cuddle up with a cup of hot chocolate and relax.
Financial pressure and strain from holiday spending
According to a study in 2020, Louisville residents were expected to spend on average $656 on holiday shopping. Even if you don’t plan on spending a lot for the holidays, the little expenses can really add up. If money is tight, or you struggle to make ends meet each month, this can add a lot of stress to the holiday season.
You want to have a holiday meal, nice decorations, and buy good gifts for your family, but taking on the extra expense might stretch you further than you can realistically do. And if you decide to use credit cards to make it through the month, you’re probably already feeling the stress of the bills that are going to start arriving in January.
In addition to the regular holiday spending stress that people experience, 2021 is bringing us increased prices from inflation which is causing even our normal everyday expenses to increase. This means you may already be facing financial strain before adding in the holiday spending.
Gift-giving stress
We touched on this a little in the section above, but gift-giving can add stress to the holidays. This can include:
- Trying to find just the right gift for everyone
- Deciding who to buy gifts for
- Buying gifts while balancing the budget
In 2021, we have added pressure from the media telling us that supply chain shortages are going to make it difficult to find the gifts we want to buy. They started causing anxiety and panic over buying presents back in September and October.
Added pandemic stress and anxiety
In addition to the traditional holiday stress, in 2021 we’re continuing to experience stress from the Covid pandemic. People have different levels of comfort about being around others and not everyone takes time to think of the perspective of others. This can lead to tension in relationships as you try to determine how to set up holiday plans based on comfort levels.
Some are choosing to skip the holiday get-togethers this year to be safe, which can also lead to an increase in stress, anxiety, and loneliness.
How to manage holiday stress in 2021
The stress during the holiday season can feel overwhelming, but it doesn’t need to. Here are some things you can do to help manage your stress so you can enjoy the holidays.
Make time for things you enjoy during the holidays
It’s easy to fill your schedule with things you “have to” do during the holidays. When you do this, you may find that you’re dreading many of the things you have scheduled to do. Make sure you take time to prioritize and do things that you and your family enjoy.
If you’re looking for family-friendly holiday events around Louisville:
- The Louisville Family Fun blog is keeping a list of scheduled events you can check out.
- Jewishlouisville.org has a calendar of events for you to explore.
- do502.com has a holiday list including events for Channuka, Christmas, Kwanzaa, and New Year’s. This includes everything from ice skating and sledding to a Louisville Shopping Guide.
- The Louisville Free Public Library also offers free events and classes at its branches like the Polar Express Grand Tour! taking place at the Southwest branch. Keep your eye out on the schedule, or call your local library, to find ways you and your family can enjoy some time together even if you’re on a tight budget.
If you like to bake cookies, reserve an afternoon on your schedule to enjoy staying home and baking. If you enjoy seeing Christmas lights, grab your favorite warm beverage, jump in the car with family or friends, or even by yourself, and drive around to look at the lights.
Set boundaries
When you set boundaries in your life, you are deciding what treatment you will and will not allow from people (including yourself). You may need to set boundaries around your calendar and your interactions with others.
If you don’t want to fill every weekend with activities, you don’t have to. If you don’t want to give in to sharing more personal information than you’re comfortable with at family gatherings, you don’t have to. And if you don’t want to feel guilty for not attending a family party, you don’t have to.
If you want to set strong boundaries that work, it’s important to decide what they are before being in the moment and practice what you will say to enforce your boundaries. An important step can be practicing saying “no”.
It’s also helpful to accept that not everyone is going to be happy about the boundaries you set, but it’s not your job to make everyone else happy. Setting healthy boundaries will help you to manage your holiday stress in a way that allows you to feel your best and protect your mental health.
Eliminate Holiday Gift-Giving Guilt
As much as the media wants us to believe it, the holidays are not about giving gifts. You don’t have to spend that $600 mentioned above to have a good holiday season. In fact, if you can’t afford to spend that much, you will have a much better holiday season by staying within your budget. Part of this can be transitioning the way you do gift-giving.
Last year on the blog we shared a post about Holiday Guilt Gifting. It included practical tips to help you connect with the people who are important to you without ending up with financial strain after the holiday season is over. You can read the full article to learn more, Holiday Guilt Gifting.
Prioritize self-care
When our schedules start to get busier, self-care activities are some of the easiest things to cross off our list. We feel that we have to make it to the holiday party at our child’s school but we don’t “have to” exercise in the morning. Or, we have to get that big holiday meal prepared in time, but we don’t “have to” get enough sleep each night.
While you can cut out self-care activities temporarily during busy phases of life, it will eventually catch up with you. Self-care includes things like:
- Getting enough sleep at night
- Going for a walk or exercising
- Making healthy food choices
- Drinking water
- Taking a warm shower
- Enjoying a cup of tea with a good book to read
- Having lunch with a friend
Self-care activities are the things that you do that help you to feel your best. They help you to rest, recharge, and stay healthy mentally.
If you’re extra busy during the holidays, choose a few self-care activities that you will continue to prioritize so you can get or remain feeling your best.
Ask for help if you need it
There is never shame in asking for help. Many people feel therapy isn’t for them because their challenges aren’t “bad enough” or “serious enough” to get help. But therapists can work with you to help you learn strategies to manage everyday life stress in a healthy way.
So, whether you are dealing with overwhelming stress and anxiety this holiday season, or simply could just use a little help managing your stress levels, our team at Best Life Mental Health Services is here to help in Lousiville, KY. Request an appointment today to get started.
